At the interval, everybody rushed to the bar, where local publican had thoughtfully provided a case of light ale. Unfortunately, the ale was off and halfway through the second innings, everyone was so ill that they abandoned the match. It was a case of bad light stopping play.
An expectant father rang the hospital to see how his wife was getting on. By mistake he dialled the number for Lord’s. “How’s it going?” he asked. “Fine,” came the answer, “We’ve got two out already and hope to have the rest out before lunch. The last one was a duck.
The nervous young batsman was having a terrible time and was lucky to still be at the crease. During a lull, he stammered to the wicket keeper, ‘Well, I expect you’ve seen worse players.’ Silence…. He said ‘I said I expect you’ve seen worse players.’ ‘I heard you the first time. I was just trying to think.’
A Yorkshireman had emigrated to America, but still used to receive news from home by mail. One day, he got the following telegram: ‘Regret father died this morning STOP early hours. Funeral Wednesday STOP Yorkshire two hundred and one for six STOP Boycott not out ninety six.’
In the 1970s, two dedicated Yorkshiremen were at the match. One discovered that he’d left his wallet at home and friend offered to go back for it. He returned pale and shaken.
The cricketer was visiting the psychiatrist. Cricketer: ‘It’s terrible. I can’t score runs, I’m a terrible bowler, and I can’t hold a catch. What can l do? Doctor: ‘Get another job.’ Cricketer: ‘I can’t. I’m playing for England tomorrow !’
The captain of a team says to the Umpire, “My players want to know if there is a penalty for thinking.” The Umpire says, “No.” The captain says, “Well we think you’re an asshole, then.”
Jones had taken his wife to a cricket match. She sat through the first innings although plainly bored. In the second innings a batsman gave a tremendous swipe and knocked the ball out of the ground. ‘Thank goodness they got rid of it,’ she sighed. ‘Now we can all go home.’
A cricket enthusiast died and went to hell. After a few days, the Devil came up to him and said, ‘What do you feel like doing today? You can have anything you like.’ ‘Well,’ said the cricketer, I can’t think of nothing better than a game of cricket. Can we do that?’ ‘Certainly,’ said the Devil, and off they went to get changed. They arrived at a beautiful pitch, and the batsman in his new gear took up a stance. Nothing happpened. ‘Come on then,’ he said to the Devil, ‘bowl the first ball.’ ‘Ah, that’s the Hell of it,’ said the Devil. ‘We haven’t got any balls.’
Brown and Robinson were two old men who were fierce rivals at cricket. One day, they decided to see who was the better player by having a game between them selves. Brown laboured for an hour to score twelve runs, but was bowled by the only straight ball he received. Both men were exhausted, and Robinson decided that he was too tired to bat and made for the pavilion, even though Brown had only to bowl at the empty wicket and break it to win. As he lay slumped in the pavilion, an amused on looker strolled in and said, ‘Congratulations.’ ‘What do you mean?’ said Robinson. ‘Haven’t you heard?’ said the spectator. ‘Brown bowled thirteen wides!’